Posts Tagged ‘pain’

Memories, and feelings

October 13, 2014

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How to take the sting
Out of sad memories?
How to prevent the thoughts
From running down one’s cheeks
In pearls of relived emotion?
Perhaps, one should store memories
Consciously; peel away the layers
Of emotion that make them memorable.
Leave the facts–what happened…
Like flowers laid away in books,
Which have no fragrance, no roundness,
But still bring back the remembered time,
One’s memories can then take one back
To relive the times, without the wracking feelings
That wrenched at one’s heart then,
With deep pain and gut-wrenching agony.
Can one sanitize memories?
Or will they, as a friend says,
Always be associated with the emotions,
And shake one deeply each time
Those days pass once again before the mind’s eye?
Is a sad memory always a living thing
That brings back those feelings
That have been lying, forgotten, but present?
Or…can one mummify memories
And make of them life-like things
That yet have no pain…
Nor the power to bring agony to life afresh?

Lady’s Fingers

May 1, 2009

fingers 300409

I’ll get the toes soon….

I love and admire my daughter; she went through unimaginable pain, both during,before, and after the birth….she’s had to stay extra time in the hospital as a result.

If men had to have babies, we’d have got it down to something like fishing by now…pleasurable, relaxed and painless…

Why?

January 26, 2009

Why is it that those whom you love
Are the ones that can hurt you the most?
Because they know the chinks in your armour, below and above….
And where the darts will hit home.
You listen to the words with a face devoid of expression
Because you cannot show the world how it hurts.
To others, the words are quite ordinary
But in you, the words hurt. And hurt. And hurt.
The wounds ooze, not blood, but tears;
Tears that well up in your heart, not in your eyes.
You may smile and smile and smile at the world, and bleed tears inside.
Tiny little stabs can hurt more, then,
Than the pieces of a heart breaking apart.
It happens too often, too often…
Being together should be a joy, not a source of pain.
One should want to meet again.
Often, one’s sorrow wears
The mask of a smile;
And one hopes one is wise…
That things will be better in a while.

Too good not to mention

November 7, 2008

From a chat with my daughter:

Some friends’ parents travelled to the US to visit, and at Customs and Immigration, the officials pulled out a small bottle of Amruthanjan and asked what it was. “Oh, don’t worry!” the couple said confidently, “It’s only a balm!”

The couple apparently then spent three and a half hours at the airport with lynx-eyed security men….

Reminds me of when my father in law went to visit KM’s brother who was living in Manhattan, 51st St and Columbus, close to Spanish Harlem. He wanted to buy some homeopathic medicines, and thinking that pharmacies were called drugstores, wandered around, asking, hopefully, “Drugstore? Drugstore?” , and someone who didn’t hear him properly came up softly and said, “You want drugs, man? Come along with me!” My petrified father in law retraced his steps very quickly indeed…

It also reminds me of this post of mine about Bombs

Meanwhile, here’s a cute little squirrel at Lalbagh…

Agony…

October 6, 2008

Sometimes, the most intense agony is the one that has to be borne silently…my prayers are with someone who is suffering terribly right now.

I was struck by the serenity and peace of this scene on the first floor of “Dodda Mane”, the 108-year-old house where “Malgudi Days” was shot. The books speak of reading, the chair at the window, of contemplation, peace, and a quiet pace of life….

A quiet scene, beautiful in its stillness…no TV, no video games, no hectic action. A place where a human being is not a human doing.

This whole business of RAW v. JPEG

October 3, 2007

In digital photography, one can shoot in one (or both) of two modes: RAW, or JPEG. The RAW image, as the name suggests, is the equivalent of the unprocessed non-digital image; it can be post-processed, the image sharpened, the colours adjusted, and so on….it occupies more space on the camera’s memory card

The JPEG image is the “almost-finished-cooking” image. It really cannot be post-processed (except maybe some cropping and zooming on a program like Picasa.)

“Serious” photographers shoot only in RAW (shooting in both modes occupies even more space on the memory card.)

I shot in JPEG, and was told by a lot of friends that with a little post-processing, my pictures would become much better. This was a completely valid statement. Some friends DID post-process some pictures of mine and showed me the remarkable difference.

But…

What I did not realize (though noelladsa did tell me) was HOW much time post-processing would take.

I found that pictures were just piling up, waiting for me to find some time to do that post-processing..and I found that instead of posting pictures as soon as I had taken them, when the excitement of the image and its associated memory was fresh, I was doing exactly the same as in the old pre-digital days, when I had to wait for a roll of film to finish, by which time some of the pictures, and the occasions on which they were taken, were quite forgotten.

So I have decided…I am NOT a serious enough photographer (in terms of image, composition, etc etc etc) to wait and post-process stuff and put the pics up. To me, the content of the photograph is much more important; I want to use the photos to tell a story. If, by the way, the photos are good, that’s OK….but I don’t really mind posting lousy pics (like the low-light horrors we took on Saturday at Bannerghatta) because they, too, tell a story..in that instance of low light and bad photography conditions, and the limitations of the S3.

But I still chuckle at the thought of how my JPEG-ness catches serious photographers. I was on a bird census with Vijay Cavale, who has documented more than 400 species of birds, and when we were out, we saw the Forest Wagtail, which was on his list of to-be-documented birds. He quickly took my camera, shot the bird…and then realized that I was NOT shooting in RAW…he was so utterly disgusted with me that he could barely bring himself to talk to me, the rest of the day!

Another time, kalyan loved a photo that I took of a baby elephant, and wanted me to send it to him for post-processing…sainath gently reminded him that I was an outcaste photographer!

And when I want to see great photos…I have a HUGE group of friends who are superb photographers…why bother to learn gourmet cooking when surrounded by pro chefs? Producing good thayir shaatham is enough!

And just to wind up, here’s a picture of some exquisite flowers in Lalbagh; Karthik informs me that this tree is called “Colville’s Glory” and I can quite see why the word “glory” is used….it was in bloom in September.

Colville's Glory, Lalbagh 070907

Are there any more defiant amateurs out there like me? There don’t seem to be…all I see on LJ and Blogger and Picasa and Flickr are a series of incredible images….!

This whole business of RAW v. JPEG

October 3, 2007

In digital photography, one can shoot in one (or both) of two modes: RAW, or JPEG. The RAW image, as the name suggests, is the equivalent of the unprocessed non-digital image; it can be post-processed, the image sharpened, the colours adjusted, and so on….it occupies more space on the camera’s memory card

The JPEG image is the “almost-finished-cooking” image. It really cannot be post-processed (except maybe some cropping and zooming on a program like Picasa.)

“Serious” photographers shoot only in RAW (shooting in both modes occupies even more space on the memory card.)

I shot in JPEG, and was told by a lot of friends that with a little post-processing, my pictures would become much better. This was a completely valid statement. Some friends DID post-process some pictures of mine and showed me the remarkable difference.

But…

What I did not realize (though noelladsa did tell me) was HOW much time post-processing would take.

I found that pictures were just piling up, waiting for me to find some time to do that post-processing..and I found that instead of posting pictures as soon as I had taken them, when the excitement of the image and its associated memory was fresh, I was doing exactly the same as in the old pre-digital days, when I had to wait for a roll of film to finish, by which time some of the pictures, and the occasions on which they were taken, were quite forgotten.

So I have decided…I am NOT a serious enough photographer (in terms of image, composition, etc etc etc) to wait and post-process stuff and put the pics up. To me, the content of the photograph is much more important; I want to use the photos to tell a story. If, by the way, the photos are good, that’s OK….but I don’t really mind posting lousy pics (like the low-light horrors we took on Saturday at Bannerghatta) because they, too, tell a story..in that instance of low light and bad photography conditions, and the limitations of the S3.

But I still chuckle at the thought of how my JPEG-ness catches serious photographers. I was on a bird census with Vijay Cavale, who has documented more than 400 species of birds, and when we were out, we saw the Forest Wagtail, which was on his list of to-be-documented birds. He quickly took my camera, shot the bird…and then realized that I was NOT shooting in RAW…he was so utterly disgusted with me that he could barely bring himself to talk to me, the rest of the day!

Another time, kalyan loved a photo that I took of a baby elephant, and wanted me to send it to him for post-processing…sainath gently reminded him that I was an outcaste photographer!

And when I want to see great photos…I have a HUGE group of friends who are superb photographers…why bother to learn gourmet cooking when surrounded by pro chefs? Producing good thayir shaatham is enough!

And just to wind up, here’s a picture of some exquisite flowers in Lalbagh; Karthik informs me that this tree is called “Colville’s Glory” and I can quite see why the word “glory” is used….it was in bloom in September.

Colville's Glory, Lalbagh 070907

Are there any more defiant amateurs out there like me? There don’t seem to be…all I see on LJ and Blogger and Picasa and Flickr are a series of incredible images….!

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April 19, 2007

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Sleeplessness and Pain

July 14, 2005

It is amazing how few people realize the difficulty of coping with constant pain, and the way consistent sleeplessness can throw the day out of kilter…people try to understand, but they often are forgetful about the need for catching up on sleep, and are irritated when one declines late-night invitations, or they drop in at night and keep talking about how they are spoiling my sleep, and keep talking still….they sympathize with my pain and then request me to do things which will aggravate it. I know they mean well, and are asking out of affection, so I can’t refuse….

I feel bad about the pain until I realize that there must be so many others who battle pain ALONG with a life-threatening disease too….I am much better off! As a doctor once said, “When you get some illness, don’t ask,’why me?’…if there was a ‘why’ to illness…children would never get cancer.”

But insomnia due to pain is a daily reality…and I wish people could sympathize less and empathize more!

Exercise has to be enjoyable…

March 24, 2005

Hip and ankle pain had been getting in the way of my exercise…as had the increasingly warm weather. I started swimmiing a few days ago…and am glad to realize that it is not really lethargy that has set in. I enjoy swimming so much, especially at twilight…yesterday the pool lights had also not been switched on, and I could see the half moon slowly rising over the top floor as I swam up and down our small pool…when exercise is this pleasant, keeping fit is no big deal.