Posts Tagged ‘loss’

What should I do?

August 23, 2017

Should I feel happy for what I had?
Should I feel sad for what I’ve lost?
Should I take the value of what I still have?
Or should I count the loss and its cost?

Both my daughter and I are taking inventory and finding things missing around our homes…..Neither of us knows quite what to do about it.

But I think my words apply to both tangible and intangible things.


In memory of Akash

May 13, 2013

My friends Sujata and Ravi Dube’s son Akash passed away exactly a year ago, to leukemia. Akash had fought back spiritedly, and even organized a Terry Fox Run in Chennai. I think he conquered the illness with his outlook.

I made friends with Sharbari Lahiri through Facebook, as a mutual friend. She lives in Ontario, Canada. We’ve become firm friends now..and I’ve been enjoying getting to know her family as well.

In memory of Akash Dube, Daniel Presta, her 16-year-old son, has written this:


I am the morning
The sunrise at dawn
A calming reminder
All dark skies are gone

I am a tulip
On a snow-covered hill
A symbol of nature
My presence there still

I am an eagle
Soaring over the fields
My spirit held tightly
My smile it does wield

I am the ocean
So vast and composed
Yet bold and courageous
No fear will I show

I am the watchman
The guardian of dreams
An unafraid leader
With a kind-hearted gleam

I am bright laughter
Pure pleasure and joy
An uplifting man
An inspiring boy

I am the reason
The sun burns so bright
That sadness is shattered
That darkness is light

I am a dreamer
Tears I do not cry
I am a champion
I am the sky

-Daniel Presta

A material loss….

July 27, 2012

I went yesterday to review the play, “Moliere Tonight!” at the Alliance Francaise de Bangalore…. and blanked out in actually removing my trusty MLC (Canon SX30) from across my shoulder and leaving it on or near the seat I was sitting. I realized I did not have it, when I came home….and was very sure I’d get it back.

I was ready to go back to the auditorium to get it, but meanwhile, some of the theatre group members assured me that they had it. Relieved, I went to sleep.

This morning, Naveen met me and returned….Vijay Padaki’s videocam instead of my camera. Since then, I’ve been desperately trying to see if anyone might have it…and am just drawing a blank. Several group members saw the camera there, but did not know whose it was, so left it alone.

My dear, dear MLC….I am hobbled without it. I use it all the time, and it had become a part of me…

While in the US, I’d thought about getting another camera, but decided to postpone the purchase to next year.

I knew that the combination of my erratic memory and the jet lag (no, not yet gone fully) was bad, but not THIS bad….I still have no memory of what I did.

Feeling miserable….so much for my theories of non-attachment to material goods!

It’s been a few days…

July 24, 2012

…since I last posted, and goodness knows how I coped…but I feel happy to report that I *have* coped.

I returned to an empty house, with the contents of all the cupboards strewn about as the painters were painting the inside of all of them….could not find a single thing, there was no telephone, no internet…it was total chaos, accurately reflecting the chaos in my mind as I began the first day of the rest of my life….by myself.

Over the past week, I have turned out even more cupboards, and got most of the flat painting and allied jobs done, and though the flat is still looking as if a whirlwind has passed through it, it now is a smaller whirlwind. (Yesterday I could not even sleep on my bed as my clothes were scattered all over it….I slept on the couch.)

But with it all, I’ve managed to attend the regular 3rd Sunday outing to Bannerghatta, to take an NTP trip to Yercaud, and catch up with friends, too…and keep up with photography and posting, too. Yes, in the process, LJ and WordPress fell through…but my thoughts have been chaotic, and really not worth expressing at negative have they been, most of the time.

But I have people like as examples, so how can I remain down? The jet lag is slowly going away in spite of being extended due to the presence of workmen in the home all day…and my mind, too, is getting calmer. I’m off to Chennai today (back late tomorrow night) to see the people who probably are the only “family” I have left.

But I’ll leave you with the entertaining patter of this magician, who performed just before the show of Disney’s “Aladdin” (the musical) that I went to watch before leaving St.Louis.

Funny….an Indian going all the way to America to watch the *American* rope trick!


March 29, 2011

That’s the past tense of “simplicity”….

Yes. Simplicity is a word with only a past tense…I can’t believe that for YEARS I did not have a mobile phone, and did perfectly well without it!

After much rooting around in “my” mobile shop (around the corner!) we found that the Nokia E 63 has fallen in price from X to less than half X, so my nimble-fingered OPS (Old Phone Stealer) has, instead of making me incur an expenditure of Y (it would have been a small “y”, too!)… has made it 8Y…because now I will have to change my mobile service provider plan to include internet.

The good thing is, the E63 has Nokia maps, as well as email and green tonsils and blue tooth and all those et ceteras..and has a qwerty keyboard instead of the detested-by-me “full touch” where I have no idea what key I am typing.

It will no longer fit into my jeans pocket the way the Old Inexpensive phone used to do….and it served me beautifully for so many years too. Bye-bye, old phone…*wipes away a tear for the simple old days”.

I expect to look back at this post when I am ninety, when I will blog that I now have to get the latest brain-implant chip, and wipe away a tear for the good old days…

An Utter Pain…

March 29, 2011

Losing one’s mobile…and trying to get a duplicate SIM card…is an Utter Pain.

But all of it has not spoilt the serenity and beauty of the Nimishamba temple in Srirangapatna, that Vittal took me to visit, today. More about it later…back to the STUPID paperwork right now!

A death

November 19, 2007

We got the news late yesterday evening, and went across early this morning.

The man was 70 plus. He had been keeping good health; he went to play golf and felt ill….and didn’t even make it to the hospital from the golf course.

The no-longer-the-man was stretched out on a refrigerated casket. Rites were performed which made no sense to me, because I firmly believe that what was dear to the family left on Saturday evening. Now it’s only the empty shell that is being subjected to rites.

But the family was inconsolable. The wife yelled, “ask them not to take him away”. I felt,oh my goodness,lady, don’t cry now….the “husband” in that body went away two days ago. What’s left HAS to be taken away and destroyed, before it decomposes. The flesh without the spirit is just…dross.

Do the prescribed rites give comfort to the family? If they do, that’s all right. But today I saw the family being agonized afresh by rituals which did NOT comfort them at all. There was NO dignity to some of those rituals.

There were crowds of people. How many of them were there from genuine sorrow? How many to watch? And to mark their attendance? I heard two people quietly discussing how the lady would not like to live with either son because “she doesn’t get along with the daughter-in-laws”. Felt like telling them to stop…but they had a right to say what they felt like, so I kept quiet.

I was most uncomfortable, because to me, the fact of the man’s dying without illness, without suffering, was a good thing. I would have been lynched if I had expressed that thought, though. So I kept quiet.

Life is SO chaotic…death even more so.

How am I going to take it if such a loss happens to me? Will I be philosophical?

Don’t know.

Loss of parents…

January 25, 2007

Two of my friends have lost one of their parents….one in Atlanta lost his mother in Mumbai; and the one in Irvine, Cal, lost her father..she is the youngest of a large family, too.

Both parents did live to a good age…but the loss of a father or mother is really difficult. I was thinking of when I lost my father, suddenly, and my mother, after protracted illness….

Festivals…and fleeting joys

October 22, 2006


I am contemplative about festivals right now. Last year’s Deepavali was surreal, with a friend dying in the middle of the night just before the festival; when we got back from his place at about 6 am , we got the news that another close friend’s father had passed away, too.

So…should one not celebrate festivals, knowing the temporary nature of our sojourn here? Or should we celebrate the festival in a kind of “we are here, so we will be festive” kind of attitude? Or celebrate each day, and not specifically celebrate a festival day? Should we feel guitly about all the have-nots when we do celebrate? And if we do feel so, will contributing to a cause salve our conscience? How do we play the scene…cheerful, pragmatic, gloomy or serene?

I suppose the answers are as varied as there are people to espouse each point of view.

Happy Deepavali!

October 20, 2006


Some say it with words, some say it with sweets, some say it with flowers…I say it with a kOlam!

IMG_0112 Kolam, Deepavali 06

And here are the lamps….I decided that this year, I would put flowers in the lamps instead of oil. And I threaded some serial lights instead…and I took this photograph without a flash, with none of the other room lights on….

IMG_0108 Deepavali 06

I love the warm dark tones of the picture…it’s nice and mysterious …the way it is mysterious what I could have done to deserve such a wonderful life…a lot of us went down and lit some sparklers (no firecrackers though) and it was such a lovely, peaceful feeling.

I am now musing on how people who have suffered a loss carry on through times when everyone else around them is festive. The world carries on, but in their minds, the loss is agonizingly fresh….does every sight of  celebrations open up the wound again? How are they able to cope with the memories of times when they, too, had nothing but happiness in their hearts?

Hmm….maybe I shouldn’t put in negative thoughts in a festive post…but as I said, life seems to have both the happy and the sad side all mixed-up together…so my post is going to be like that, too.