Posts Tagged ‘humour’

Tax

July 7, 2019

A poem for Union Budget 2019

Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.
Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teach him taxes are no joke.
Tax his car, tax his grass,
Tax the roads he must pass.

Tax his food, tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his sodas, tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his tears.

Tax his bills, tax his gas,
Tax his notes, tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers, tax him more,
Tax him until he’s good and sore.
Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb,
“Taxes drove me to my doom!”
And when he’s gone, we won’t relax,
We’ll still be after the inheritance tax….
~ Author Unknown

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The butterfly dirge

July 2, 2019

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Rounded Pierrot

When I started looking
At lovely butterflies,
I felt that very soon I’d be
Lepidopterally wise.

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Pointed Ciliate Blue

From Albatross to Zebra Blue
I thought it was a cinch
But the butterfly alphabet
Is killing me, inch by inch.

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Dark Grass Blue

First came the Blues, and blues were what
These Lycaenids cast me into.
Even Grass Blues are Lesser and Tiny…
Pale and Dark forms, too!

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Anomalous Nawab

Another colour, the Yellow, this time,
Cast my life in further doubt.
Three-spotted, Spotless, Common, more….
I knew not what I was about.

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Spot Swordtail

The Rings put all my mathematics
And basic numbers to shame.
Alas, a Common Four-ring
And a Five-ring often look the same!

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Danaid Eggfly

Brown was a colour I felt at ease with…
Until it was preceded by “Bush”.
Trying to find out which one it was
Reduced my brain to mush.

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Golden Angle

Then came the procession
Of the scientific names;
The dry and wet-season forms,
The gentlemen, and the dames.

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Yellow Orange-tip

Under all this profusion
Of names and facts, I groan
The only butter fly I am sure of
Is when Amul or Vijaya is thrown!

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Lilac Silverline

There could be birds verse than this…

June 16, 2019

I expected an Egret
But I had no regrets
At seeing a Heron Black-crowned.
Though everyday birds
May usually fill my words
It’s good when the unusual is found!

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It was the June 3rd Sunday outing of Bngbirds and a gathering of members of the Telegram group, Bangalore Wildlife Friends. We sighted 20 birds and we were 61 people!

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The most absurd doctor visit of my life, 120619

June 12, 2019

I have been suffering from a sore throat for about three weeks now and had to stop my evening swim. I’d gone to one ENT specialist, but a course of antibiotics and decongestants did not help, So I decided to take a second opinion.

I went to someone who was recommended. WITHOUT looking at my throat, after I had described my symptoms, he asked me my blood group and when I said A+, he said all A+ “types” have acid reflux, that’s what I have. I said NO, I don’t have acid reflux. We argued about this for a while, then he finally said, it could be “hidden”.

Then he said I probably have high blood pressure. I said NO, I don’t have it. I asked him to check my b.p. It was 120/80. “Borderline”, he said. Then he said, “You probably have thyroid problems.” I said I’d had it tested recently, NO, I don’t have it. “Things can change in a month,” said this cheerful guy. I repeated that I am active and do not feel that I have hyperthyroidism. “You might have hypothyroidism,” he said. I was about to say NO and I just gave up.

“Are you losing weight?” he asked. I said, on the contrary, I’ve gained a little weight but am not worried about it. “You might have hypothyroidism,” replied the optimist. After the examination, he told me I have a deviated septum and find it hard to sleep on my left side…which is generally how I sleep most comfortably. Then he started talking about how this area was 35 years ago.

I just paid my Rs.500 and walked out before he diagnosed heart trouble, diabetes, or perhaps cancer. Another ten minutes and he would have sent me to the ICU…. or for cremation.

I have not exaggerated anything (except the last sentence) ; this is what actually happened.

A couple of laughs

June 6, 2019

I love laughing and treasure every sudden gem that I come across. Here’s a great one from the “middle” in the Deccan Herald of Tuesday, June 4, 2019, by Indu Suryanarayan, who decided to learn music at the then-recently-opened Ayyanar College of Music on Vani Vilas Road, Bangalore:

“I bought a four-and-a-half shruti bamboo flute (to learn from Sri Doreswamy)…. Every morning, I left after coffee my flute in hand. On the way, if I encountered toddlers following their mother’s advice to answer nature’s call squatting by the roadside, I would use my flute to hit them on the head and ask them to go and do it inside.” It makes me wonder what else the poor flute was used for!

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Having got up at 1.30am to do some ironing, I justtttt shut my eyelids after the alarm rang at 5.30am. I believe in the theory of relativity, because just a fraction of a second later, it was 6 am. This entry is especially for Srikanth, to whom it happened yesterday!

“Like”

May 16, 2019

Tell me, my dearly beloved dost,
On how many fora should I “like” your post?
I liked it first on Wild Pixel,
And ticked “like” again on Nature Clicks, as well.
Then came Jungle FB and Wildlife Lens.
I clicked those two, as we are friends.
By the time I’d responded on Nisarga and Wilderness Wired
I must confess, I was a little tired.
Yet I persisted on Prakriti Shot,
Added a like on Life Well Caught.
But now I feel like I’ve been in a wringer.
“No more!” says my poor, tired, “liking” finger.
And, in future, I wish to state:
I’ll “like” just once: not in dupli,tripli or quadruplicate!

*Names of FB groups completely imaginary, any resemblance to reality is completel

A Cassowary is a dangerous bird…

April 16, 2019

I got

this newsclip

on my birding/nature egroup. So I wrote:

A colourful bird is the Cassowary
But…dangerous toenails they carry.
A swipe from those nails
Could open up your entrails
So…of the Cassowary…be wary!

On a serious note, breeding of exotic birds can have bad consequences, even if not fatal.

Why I like FaceBook

December 14, 2018

Here I dip into someone’s thought.
There I see what someone’s bought.
I admire someone’s photograph.
I wish someone would cut their rant in half.
Read someone’s movie review.
Muse on someone’s political hue.
I tarry over someone’s art;
Someone’s music, that is a class apart.
Satisfied, I go to bed.
My friends…you fill up most of my head!
I’ll be back again tomorrow.
To check on you, in smiles or sorrow.
A lovely way to look and see
What’s up with you…. on FB!

My walk home: vehicles

November 15, 2018

The walk home from my daughter’s, in terms of vehicles:
Cars, being washed, causing rivulets of water.
Scooters and mopeds, with helmeted and helmetless riders, the latter trusting to their luck to get away without being fined…or receiving head injuries in an accident.
The occasional cycle, ridden by spandex-clad, eye-shaded men (I rarely see women on cycles, even now) or men with lungis at half-mast.
Conservancy vehicles, with garbage being thrown into their noisome innards.
Autos speeding past with passengers, or refusing to take them.
School buses and vans threading their way through narrow side roads.
Cars carefully covered with tarpaulin.Pushcarts with various wares: fruits, vegetables, flowers, knick-knacks, ears of corn.
A tow vehicle, out early, looking for wrongly parked vehichles to pull away.
An excavator and a road roller, rumbling past.
A peculiar vehicle that my daughter calls a leper skateboard, with a beggar on it, bandaged hands outstretched in supplication.
BMTC buses trying to negotiate dug-up roads and chaotic crossings.
All this explains why our traffic problems are very complex!

Accuracy in journalism today

November 14, 2018

Journalism today is exemplified by the following apology:

“Yesterday, in an article, we stated that Mr. X is a defective in the police force. We sincerely apologize. Mr. X is a detective in the police farce.”

What brought this on? A photo of mine in the Hindu has been credited to Deepa Menon!

here

is the link to the article by Marianne de Nazareth, who has used my photo of the beautiful Sesbania grandiflora flower…

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