Posts Tagged ‘humour’

Birding, now….

April 2, 2020

Gone are the days of birding travel.
The virus has made all my plans unravel.
From planning to see the Myzornis,
My birding world has shrunk to this:
How can I catch the Tailorbird,
Which whips in and out, and is only heard
Upon the terrace that I keep looking at? Why
Should these birds be so wary and shy?
Such a fleeting glimpse of the yellow White-eye…
What makes it so keen to zip and fly?
Why can’t it wait and pose for me
And let me take a photo…or three?
I have forgotten the forests, the deer and leopards
And even the various, colourful birds.
Mountain streams and riverside breeze,
Coastal stickiness and Himalayan freeze.
Life for me is the Barbet in the Bangalore sun.
Sighting a Koel is quite a lot of fun.
It’s the terrace that exerts a recurring pull,
For a sight of the Sunbird or the Bulbul.
Overhead, the v-shaped tails of the Black Kite.
The fluttering Pigeons, blue, grey and white.
I can’t even hear the Crows, of late,
Or see their throats of dull grey slate.
Birding is also memories: I go to my Flickr
And wish my broadband speed was quicker.
I visit, once again, birds all over the world:
Fieldfares, Bluebirds, Toucans, with their feathers unfurled.
I close my laptop and arise from my sofa,
And dream of the day when again I will go far
Looking for my beloved, favourite birds,
Which will then be real, not just photos and words!

grey-headed kingfisher

Grey-headed Kingfisher from Tanzania.

Two Dictators

April 2, 2020

Email to Nanna:

Here are K1 and K2, dictating to me what they want to say about your lemon cake. It has been mentioned at least fifty time in the past two days.

Message begins:

K2: Nana, I love your lemon cake. I want to visit you on Christmas and Easter because in those festivals, your lemon cake is the best (not festivals, times)

K1: Because we have never tasted it other than those times. Your lemon cake is better than potato (which I love very much)

K2: I also want to visit you early because otherwise I will miss Easter.

K1: Nana I love your lemon cake way more than any of the birthday cakes I’ve ever had…Kalyan keep quiet!….I am still dictating….Nanna, your lemon cake is one of my most favourite cakes baked by you.

K2: Nana, I also love your lemon cakes way more than even pizza. Kavya, keep quiet! Nana, your lemon cake is my favourite food.

K1: I think if you are in some kind of cooking competition you would definitely win first prize with your lemon cake….Deepamma, I can see that! Kalyan, please get your hand off my foot!…

K2: If you are in MasterChef Australia, a TV show, you would win with your awesome lemon cake. That is the same thing Kavya said, but with some edits. If I am wrong, please email me.

K1: Anyway, once you do, I’d love to see your first place trophy. I don’t know why we are writing you email about your lemon cake, it’s absolutely weird, when we are in the middle of making brownies and she (Deepamma) called us over here. But I bet the brownies will never be nearly as good as your lemon cake….no, I don’t want to say bye yet!….fine, fine…

K2: Anyway, that was Kavya. But why did she have to add the part that said, it is weird we are emailing you? I don’t know. But if I ever get to eat any food I like, I would pick your lemon cake.

K2 pushes off to the kitchen. K1 : OK, fine, bye.

There are now two dictators in my life!

Love from K1, K2, and Deepa.

In the morning on the first of April

April 1, 2020

Me: Your parents cleared out your Lego pieces yesterday.
K2: WHAT! Rushes off to check.
Me: April Fool!
K2: Ha, ha, ha. But actually….you shouldn’t joke about my Lego. It gave me palpitations.

K1: OW! I stepped on a piece of glass! *limps to the sofa*
Me: Oh, let me have a look.
K1: April Fool!

More about K2

March 26, 2020

Father: If I give you $5, how many quarters will you give me?
K2: Don’t ask me such hard questions.
Me: Let’s take it step by step. If I give you one dollar, how many quarters will I get from you?
K2: Zero. Thank you for the dollar. I am not going to give you any quarters back!

I broke into O+ laughter…

March 25, 2020

K2: My blood group is O+.
Me: That means it’s Hopeless (O+).
K2: (angrily) DON’T MAKE FUN OF MY BLOOD GROUP!

The G-string…

February 24, 2020

When I was born, in Kolkata
I had a G-string around me.
Not the one that you’re thinking of!
Wash your dirty minds, and see

My words…. I had around me
Scores of G’s….Banner-G
Chatter-G, and Mukher-G.
However, today, what others admire
About me…is my Ener-G!

It’s all I have, that saves me from
A deadly lazy lethar-G.
It keeps me from sinking down
Though I’m well past my apo-G.

And if my nonsense verse annoys you
With its total or-G
Of G-words, just snap back at me..
Or accept my apolo-G!

An anecdote from the past, with a twist in the tail!

January 30, 2020

I wish we could visit a lot more of our seniors (yes, senior even to me!) and hear their stories and anecdotes. Today I visited a couple, and here’s the anecdote:

The gentleman had a big group of Japanese visitors in his factory; in preparation for the visit, he’d asked several of his colleauges and their spouses to take a course in Japanese. His wife had a ear for languages, and completed the next course too.

During the visit, she heard the visitors talking amongst themselves about the chaotic traffic in the city (remember, this must have been thirty years ago!) and expressing worry.

During the official welcome speech which she delivered in Japanese, she also added, “I know some of you were worried about the traffic and your safety…please don’t worry. The driver of the van is our second-best company chauffeur.”

“Oh!” exclaimed a visitor, relieved. Then added, “Where is your best driver?”

“Still in the hospital,” was the reply!

I am very fond of this couple. They have a great sense of humour and a big fund of stories!

The “teacher’s” note, K2, 080120

January 8, 2020

K2’s “teacher” allegedly sent this note from school.

K2 "Send Chips" note,080120

When faced with it, he unrepentantly grinned and said, “Yes, I wrote it!”

Wonder what he will think of next!

Bird id…

December 24, 2019

He said, “I regret
To say, I can only identify
This bird called the Egret,
The other thing that’s long and white
That I can sight,”
He said with a sigh,
“Is…a cigarette!”

K2: His age

December 3, 2019

K2: Has it been 20 years since I was born?
Mother: No. How old are you?
K2: 7.
Mother: Then…. How many years since you were born?
K2:… One hundred?