Posts Tagged ‘humour’

K2 and PDA (Public Display of Affection)

October 12, 2019

I’ve been noticing an increasing (and quite understandable) resistance on K2’s part, to give me an “Uggandakiss”.

Today, when I asked, he said, “I can’t kiss you, my nose is too big.”

They Must Not Be Named!

September 12, 2019

Everyone tells us that they are harmless, we should not bother about them, and so on and on and on,until we are scared even to take their name…

I have travelled in the mountains
And waded in the beaches
But these creatures I can’t abide,
They are the…..

I take flights to far-flung places
Walk to remote river reaches.
But in rain and slush I look down.
I’m worried about those…..

“Travel light! Take much less!”
Every guide book teaches.
But I take with me socks, salt and spray,
To use on those pesky……

I may subsist on only bread
Or fruit…bananas and peaches
But I don’t want to donate my blood
To those thirsty, sucking……

They get into our tee-shirts,
They get into our breeches
We even found some on our necks,
Those horrid little……!

I’ll have to wash out all my socks
With detergent and bleaches
To get rid of the awful bloodstains
Left by those dirty…….!

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The Himalayan foothills of Bangalore

August 9, 2019

Bangalore is supposed to be sited in the Dakshin (anglicized to Deccan) plateau. But increasingly, I find myself in the foothills of the Himalaya, when I look at the traffic going past me.

It begins, as it always does, with gentle slopes. Vehicles gently climb over them. There are, even here, little chasms to be wary of…a broken spring, or a scraped tyre, might result. But we soon leave the gentle foothills and approach the greater elevations; traffic needs to slow down, and then push, with throbbing motors, up and down.

Next come the Big Challenges. Here, a gauntlet is thrown down to the passing motor vehicles, not only in the height, but in the series of hills that the cars or buses have to navigate. Thud-grind, thud-grind, thud-grind, they all go.

Since Venkateshwara’s abode is in the Seven Hills, and Shiva lives in the Himalaya, every house owner in my city deems it a matter of pride to have two hills flanking his or her residence. As the traffic slows to a crawl and stumbles over the hills, the home owners’ ego is satisfied…they, too, are god-like!

I just walked back from my daughter’s home to mine, and I counted 19 small hillocks and 8 fairly large hills, with three or four deep abysses that an unlucky motorist could fall into and never be heard from again….our hilly, and at times mountainous, road topography is known by the rather tame name of “speed bumps” or “rumble strips”…little does the unimaginative BBMP (Brihat Bengaluru Mahanagara Palike) know that they are helping us create a City of the Hills on a plateau!

I am looking forward to a time when it will become a matter of routine for roads to be laid in a series of ridges, with the mandatory small and big potholes nestling in the troughs. We can look forward to cars having treadmill belts instead of tyres. We can calculate our riding comfort in BPM…Bumps Per Minute. Every road will clamour for supremacy in these numbers, with the highest-achieving ones resembling corrugated cardboard, rather than a passageway for vehicles. We can count the number of pillion riders (and drivers) flung off two-wheelers. Perhaps, to top the whole thing off, we can introduce square or triangular tyres.

And since there will be ridges and bumps everywhere, there will be no need to even think of putting up signs about these!

The Gedious, 040819

August 7, 2019

K2: As soon as my maths teacher writes out a sum on the board, I call out the answer. so she called me a gedious.
Me: G D S?
K2: No! GEDIOUS! That means I am VERY intelligent!

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Here he is, the Bubble-wrap Monster.

….This very modest guy may be a gedious in Maths, but his English….!

Animal rescue..and afterwards

July 30, 2019

As I stepped into the shower, I noticed a tiny little bug crawling along the ledge where I keep my soap and shampoo. As the water started splashing around, I suddenly realized that a waterdrop had quite inundated the tiny creature. Full of compassion, I used my fingernail to delicately lift up the bug to the vertical wall, where the water would drip off it.

I wondered if I had damaged it, and waited anxiously for a while, looking at the motionless little thing. After a while, it slowly began to crawl up the wall. Brimming with happiness at this animal rescue, I stepped out of the shower stall. Wrapping my towel around me, I walked out of the bathoom, quickly swatting a pesky mosquito.

The Oleander Hawk Moth in verse….

July 25, 2019

Two highly-qualified friends, Rachit and Shubham, were debating about whether the photo of a moth posted on the group we all belong to, was “Daphnis nerii” or “Daphnis hypothous”.

In gratitude, I posted a little doggerel about the scientific name, in a lighter vein….

It may be Daphnis nerii or hypothous…
It makes no difference to mostofous.
More general is our talk:
It’s “Moth, Oleander Hawk”…
We have no other theory or hypothesous!

Here’s the beautiful moth:

Un id moth casa ansal 221007//embedr.deepamohan/assets/client-code.js

Tax

July 7, 2019

A poem for Union Budget 2019

Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.
Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teach him taxes are no joke.
Tax his car, tax his grass,
Tax the roads he must pass.

Tax his food, tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his sodas, tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his tears.

Tax his bills, tax his gas,
Tax his notes, tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers, tax him more,
Tax him until he’s good and sore.
Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb,
“Taxes drove me to my doom!”
And when he’s gone, we won’t relax,
We’ll still be after the inheritance tax….
~ Author Unknown

The butterfly dirge

July 2, 2019

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Rounded Pierrot

When I started looking
At lovely butterflies,
I felt that very soon I’d be
Lepidopterally wise.

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Pointed Ciliate Blue

From Albatross to Zebra Blue
I thought it was a cinch
But the butterfly alphabet
Is killing me, inch by inch.

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Dark Grass Blue

First came the Blues, and blues were what
These Lycaenids cast me into.
Even Grass Blues are Lesser and Tiny…
Pale and Dark forms, too!

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Anomalous Nawab

Another colour, the Yellow, this time,
Cast my life in further doubt.
Three-spotted, Spotless, Common, more….
I knew not what I was about.

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Spot Swordtail

The Rings put all my mathematics
And basic numbers to shame.
Alas, a Common Four-ring
And a Five-ring often look the same!

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Danaid Eggfly

Brown was a colour I felt at ease with…
Until it was preceded by “Bush”.
Trying to find out which one it was
Reduced my brain to mush.

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Golden Angle

Then came the procession
Of the scientific names;
The dry and wet-season forms,
The gentlemen, and the dames.

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Yellow Orange-tip

Under all this profusion
Of names and facts, I groan
The only butter fly I am sure of
Is when Amul or Vijaya is thrown!

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Lilac Silverline

There could be birds verse than this…

June 16, 2019

I expected an Egret
But I had no regrets
At seeing a Heron Black-crowned.
Though everyday birds
May usually fill my words
It’s good when the unusual is found!

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It was the June 3rd Sunday outing of Bngbirds and a gathering of members of the Telegram group, Bangalore Wildlife Friends. We sighted 20 birds and we were 61 people!

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The most absurd doctor visit of my life, 120619

June 12, 2019

I have been suffering from a sore throat for about three weeks now and had to stop my evening swim. I’d gone to one ENT specialist, but a course of antibiotics and decongestants did not help, So I decided to take a second opinion.

I went to someone who was recommended. WITHOUT looking at my throat, after I had described my symptoms, he asked me my blood group and when I said A+, he said all A+ “types” have acid reflux, that’s what I have. I said NO, I don’t have acid reflux. We argued about this for a while, then he finally said, it could be “hidden”.

Then he said I probably have high blood pressure. I said NO, I don’t have it. I asked him to check my b.p. It was 120/80. “Borderline”, he said. Then he said, “You probably have thyroid problems.” I said I’d had it tested recently, NO, I don’t have it. “Things can change in a month,” said this cheerful guy. I repeated that I am active and do not feel that I have hyperthyroidism. “You might have hypothyroidism,” he said. I was about to say NO and I just gave up.

“Are you losing weight?” he asked. I said, on the contrary, I’ve gained a little weight but am not worried about it. “You might have hypothyroidism,” replied the optimist. After the examination, he told me I have a deviated septum and find it hard to sleep on my left side…which is generally how I sleep most comfortably. Then he started talking about how this area was 35 years ago.

I just paid my Rs.500 and walked out before he diagnosed heart trouble, diabetes, or perhaps cancer. Another ten minutes and he would have sent me to the ICU…. or for cremation.

I have not exaggerated anything (except the last sentence) ; this is what actually happened.