Posts Tagged ‘departure’

Departure looms…

July 18, 2011

I know I have to go back home, and in many ways, I am looking forward to it; there is a lot of work (and life) waiting for me back home. I normally have a fairly neutral frame of mind, accepting the fact that my child, her spouse, and their child live very far away from me…and that when they lead happy lives of their own, we are both fine.

But it is the parting-after-being-together that seems to throw this equilibrium off completely. When the time comes to leave these three, why can I not preserve the same calm frame of mind, and part equably? Why must these tears spring unbidden to my eyes at odd moments? Why is this emotional umbilical cord so very strong? Why is the “grand-umbilical cord” that ties me to KTB)…even more strong? When will I ever control my heart and my emotions?

This time around, A is still having difficulties with her health, and that bothers me a lot, too. But…I know I cannot stay on indefinitely….so I must leave her to her own, hoping that she and her spouse will take care of themselves and their child, evenwhen they also have full-time careers, and other demanding voluntary jobs to do….trust that they will manage. On this thought, I will lug my suitcases out of the door….

All this lachrymosity when departure is still a few days away! I don’t know whether to smile or weep.

Oh well, going to see “Singing in the Rain” at the Muny this evening, hope I’ll feel less as if my heart has been put through a food processor…

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Departure time is nearing…

April 17, 2009

People are calling and coming over and spending a lot of time with us as we prepare to leave. And…this is also a problem. Both of us love having the visitors, and we chat a lot, and the time spent with friends is very, every enjoyable…but when are we supposed to get our packing done?

I am still making lists of things to be packed rather than packing.

I have never gone away from home for as long a period as I am planning for now….so what I pack is rather crucial. There is some small stuff that is very essential to one’s comfort and that one just cannot get in the destination…so it had better not get left behind. (Eg I want to pack a lot of Hall’s mints because they are SO soothing for a sore throat, and I know of no equally good substitue in the US, which,anyway, would be pretty expensive! And medications MUST be bought here and taken…)

Packing just 15 kg in total is a kind of zen exercise; it shows me just how much I can actually live without. But still, I cannot jettison the rest. Just because I am packing only 2 silk sarees, doesn’t mean I can throw out the others!

But what to include in that 15 kg (how I long for the days when we used to travel Business Class…just three or four years ago, we had a 70 kg allowance on Business class, can you *imagine* that?) is another tortorous exercise. I like having a lot of things around me, alas…I like having the option of four pairs of footwear to choose from, for example…and I am forced not to have that luxury. If I leave something out, I cannot get it, and that fact looms large in my packing-planning.

I don’t want to either under- or over-pack, and it’s a tightrope to walk!

And while I pack, I look at my accumulate possessions.

Possessions…I think they tie one down, even as they give pleasure. But I am a pack rat and cannot throw anything away, and I am also not a cupboard-cleaner and organizer. So…both useful stuff, AND junk, accumulates….I have, for some time, been oppressed by the clutter that has piled up, but lack the will to jettison it all. (And I am worried that having got rid of it, I will want it again!)

It’s easier to do regular housekeeping from the outset; when stuff has piled up, the pile is so daunting that one puts off the pruning.

I want to get all my packing done, and do one last stint of birding, and soak in the beauty of Valley School, on Saturday morning…let’s see if that works out.

I really do NOT like going away for more than four weeks at a time, I realize! I think this is the first time in my life (after I went to my parents’ place to have my baby) that I have left home for such a long period.

All prospective burglars who are reading this, do come and clean out my home for me; it will save me the trouble and agonized decision making of “what to keep? what to throw out?”…

Monday morning….

February 11, 2008

Couldn’t post yesterday because the net connection was down (yes, these things happen to D.Murphy)…so that’s Sunday’s post down below!

It’s minus 9 deg outside…I should know, I rushed out to put the trash for collection (Mondays and Thursdays) and came back rushing much faster than I rushed out! How on earth am I going to get back to Blr, where the summer starts much earlier than the rest of the country, and would be very warm now?!

Ah, but how nice it will be not to spend several minutes layering up before every outing! Reminds me of Calvin,who, at the end of the bundling-up process, tell his mom he has to go to the bathroom…

When I am gone…

August 31, 2007

When I am gone…
Several people will gather.
Lovely words will be said about me…I may not even recognize myself as this paragon of virtue.
There will be a few genuine tears, I would like to think.
But will all the mental words be as affectionate,as charitable, as full of praise?
There may be a few less than loving thoughts..that’s only too likely.
But the definite fact is that
After the initial gathering and the talking and the discussing
The waters will close over the fact of my departure
And the world will get on, as if I never was.
And what I *was*, will exist only in what I have created…
Words,images,friendships,relationships…
And soon, all of that will pass into oblivion, too.
I know all this, and yet here I am,
Making a noise as if this noise has any meaning!

No,no, I am not feeling morbid, in fact, I am smiling as I write this!