The lamp flickers….

I get the news
That a life, once vigorous,
Is ebbing.
I do not know how long
The tide will remain
And when the waters, receding,
Will take the light with them.
The skies darken,
But there is no beauty from the stars;
Instead, there is the gloomy
Overcast darkness of heavy clouds overhead.
Helpless, powerless, I remain
Distant: no amount of my love
Can let me experience what that ebbing life
And those who are part of the family
Are going through now. I move…
Like a pendulum, from worried grief,
To acceptance of what must be.
A life of trying to think positively
Does not allow me to let go of hope altogether.
Perhaps, something will work?
Some herb will stem the irrevocable tide
Of galloping illness?
Hope, hopelessness: if I swing so uncontrollably between these two,
I can only imagine what those who are close must be feeling.
On top of everything else lies guilt:
Did I do enough when I could?
Is there anything I can do now…
Which I am not doing?
Why am I healthy, when my friend lies there
With health leaching out?
My mind tosses and turns,
It seeks peace only in meditation.
Let me let go for a while…and try and sort myself
Find inner peace in the midst of the turmoil.
Life and death are, and will be, eternal mysteries.
Let me not try and solve them,
Eroding myself in the effort.


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